treasures.

Top 5 things that make me feel 7 again

1. Harry Potter.

This book series and the movies seriously makes me want to be at Hogwarts. I started reading them the year they came out & have followed it ever since. it's something i can always read & really get into. The movies are great but the books are sooo much better:)
I mean who doesn't want to go to a place where you can fly on broom sticks while playing a wizard sport or create potions that give you great luck for an entire day or one i could give to rob pattinson to make him love me, haha.

2. Ice Cream.

I will seriously hear the ice cream truck and get excited. i don't like cake. i'm not big on cookies or brownies. but i will eat ice cream all day if adam would let me. :)



















3. Avatar.

Adam and I just started watching this show last week. I never thought I would actually fall in love wth it. It is really funny and serious at the same time. The humor fits Adam and I just right. If I got to pick which bender I would be, I would be an air bender like Anng. Again, who doesn't want to fly?!















4. Dressing up.

Jonah and I have been playing pretend a lot lately. We will be pirates, dinosaurs, dragons...you name it. We do it outside a lot and chase eachother. Yeah, people stare, they will get over it. :)



















5. Coloring.

I get real serious when I color a picture. I make sure it's not outside the lines at all. I'm picky when I choose which picture to color and what crayons to use. And then I get really excited and want to put it on the fridge! If Jonah colors on my page...it actually frustrates me. I hold it back but have to tell myself, "he's only two. he's only two..."

Simplified. I'm not shaking.

i'm in love with everything i see today.

well, it's bright and new.

i can sway.

where i lay, i can sway.

annuals.<3

radio hatred.

hey. you know that country song that says "god is great. beer is good. people are crazy."? if i have to hear it played on the juke box at work ONE more time i feel like i'll quit. if i have to read someone else's status that contains these lyrics i feel like i'll delete my fb. if i see another group on fb titled those lyrics i feel like i'll go off on all those people that joined the group. THAT'S how much i hate that song & how much i want to kick people that like it.


oh & that one rap song that incorporated forever young pisses me off. GET YOUR OWN LYRICS!
just like i'm mad at that rapper (i purposefully tried to forget his name, haha) for stealing imogen heap's song hide & seek & putting it into that stupid rap song. everyone loved it & i just wanted to stab pencils into my ears & punch him in the face. her music is amazing & her outlet & ART & he stole it!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=et17ExXMapg
watch that video please:)

this is the end of my rant. jonah's mad because he wants to dance with me RIGHT NOW. haha

happppy 23rd adam!

tomorrow is the hubby's TWENTY THIRD birthday!




& since i won't have any time to blog tomorrow:



celebrating adam's birthday this year is gonna be a little different than normal. we are broke. we don't even have our own running car to go somewhere. he's working overtime all week & sleeps until around 4:30 everyday. there just isn't the time or money to do something special as always. BUT it doesn't change the fact that he's turning 23 tomorrow:)













he is such an amazing man. he really is that exception to all that "guys are so..." stuff.










adam is so great because unlike most men he is (most of the time :]) a great listener and very sensitive. not in that metro-sexual or gayish way, but in the way that most women complain about their husband's not being.




he has the greatest sense of humor. seriously, he can crack me up even when i'm super pissed at him.


he has matured into this hard working, responsible & loving husband & father.













his relationship with Jonah is adorable. everyday when adam's sleeping (he works 3rd shift) jonah will want to go wake him up and says, "see daddy! see daddy!" when they play it never fails to bring a huge smile to my face.













& what amazes me the most is that this great, sexy:), funny, amazing man has stuck around with me even when things have gotten really, really hard.













i love you so much husband!


happy birthday love!!

birthday, easter & spring time

honesty.

i need to let go. i have too much bitter and resentful feelings and i'm just plain tired of it. i get this way when i "know" someone else is in the wrong but they never apologized. i'm stubborn. i need to forgive and forget. it's pretty hard to do that when they never asked for forgiveness but i'm trying.
i've been writing on paper rather than on here. i was "tumbling" for a while but that never took off. i kind of like using paper sometimes instead of the internet for my thoughts. like the old days :)
it seems like everything that could go wrong the last couple of weeks did. i'm not going to dwell on those things now by stating them. but i would like to share that i was feeling crappy, alone, betrayed and frankly scared of what could happen next then i read a blog i had written almost a year a go. it was talking about how all these things happened and they sucked but God will provide. there's always someone out there who has it worse off. and if those things don't make me perk up and have hope, i resort to the following:
my son. just his presence overwhelms me with happiness. the one beautiful, amazing person in this world that loves me unconditionally and is so innocent. it's such a wonderful thing being a mom, a privilege.
scripture. i love reading about how God always fills His promises. He will never leave us. He will never forsake us. He is making a beautiful place with Him to spend eternity. reading about all the times He was faithful, that means those things are true and how can we be down when we think about our maker loving us and caring for us the way He does? & who can be against you when God is for you? it doesn't matter what these people think that i'm indirectly "butting" heads with. GOD loves me. GOD won't betray me. my fear of abandonment keeps diminishing because i'm realizing more and more everyday just how much we are here because and for Him. all this extra stuff is just perks :)
so yeah, i'm still angry. i'm still hurt and probably will be for a while. i've never felt betrayed more than i do now. never more ganged up on. defenseless. i just have to keep my head up and not think about the hurt. it's just going to manifest more bitterness. i have to learn to pray for my enemies. really pray for them. because, honestly, they need it. they are at a place in their life where they really, truly, believe they are doing the right thing. but i know it isn't when it directly conflicts with Jesus' teachings. how could doing things against the Bible be the right thing? i know we all sin. i sin. and i'm not saying i do everything the bible says to do. not do what it says to not do. but i know the difference between right and wrong. and i sorta feel sorry for people who say they are doing God's work but it's the exact opposite of what it says is right. for instance, people are arguing that homosexuality is stated as okay in the Bible, when it clearly says it's against God. they are teaching people that are gay that it's okay. not a sin. even that JESUS himself was gay.
i kinda, sorta went a different way with this post than i meant to. pretty much, love one another. especially, if you know someone needs help, reach out to them. we are all brothers and sister in Christ.

my angry rambling.

all they have wanted me to do is try.
be better. make an effort. show some progress.
i tried for a long time.
thinking i was doing it the right way.
i would always sink back into darkness.
go my own way.
give up hope.
now i've done my best.
a work in progress.
started to be me again.
they abandoned me.
left me alone with no explanation.
they give advice when they know so little.
about me.
about him.
for one week no questions.
so much progress unnoticed.
i thought we were to forgive and forget.
love everyone.
instead i've seen hate more than ever.
bitterness in place of compassion.
turning heads.
making jokes when about someone hurting.
never reaching out.
so finally my progress, my effort, my changes are noticed.
i get a "thanks".
if you only knew what has happened.
what if've overcame.
conquered.
you wouldn't think of me that way.
i've been defenseless the whole time.
never had the chance to speak.
i was called names i'll never be able to forget.
for some reason that's justified.
never an apology.
where was that learned.
i've learned more about people than i cared to.
lost a lot of friends.
people i looked up to.
but now i know that's poison.
never ceasing to harm me or my family.
everyone else sees it.
i tell two sides now.
even though i used to hide my flaws.
i know now that's unhealthy.
a lie.
poison.
i'd rather be alone.
than live another day like that.
it's out of my life.
you can't talk to me.
you can't hear my side.
you give blinded opinions.
and yet you still think you're right.
all i wanted was my family.
what i committed my life to.
it was stolen from me.
if you would only change.
show some progress.
let go.
lies.

time travelin' and grievin'

i'm happier with dark hair.

i love pictures of clocks. it's about time i did my own.

these pots were my grandmother's. gosh, i miss her. i plan on getting a tattoo with her intials dob and dod. i don't care what you think of that. haha.