i need to let go. i have too much bitter and resentful feelings and i'm just plain tired of it. i get this way when i "know" someone else is in the wrong but they never apologized. i'm stubborn. i need to forgive and forget. it's pretty hard to do that when they never asked for forgiveness but i'm trying.
i've been writing on paper rather than on here. i was "tumbling" for a while but that never took off. i kind of like using paper sometimes instead of the internet for my thoughts. like the old days :)
it seems like everything that could go wrong the last couple of weeks did. i'm not going to dwell on those things now by stating them. but i would like to share that i was feeling crappy, alone, betrayed and frankly scared of what could happen next then i read a blog i had written almost a year a go. it was talking about how all these things happened and they sucked but God will provide. there's always someone out there who has it worse off. and if those things don't make me perk up and have hope, i resort to the following:
my son. just his presence overwhelms me with happiness. the one beautiful, amazing person in this world that loves me unconditionally and is so innocent. it's such a wonderful thing being a mom, a privilege.
scripture. i love reading about how God always fills His promises. He will never leave us. He will never forsake us. He is making a beautiful place with Him to spend eternity. reading about all the times He was faithful, that means those things are true and how can we be down when we think about our maker loving us and caring for us the way He does? & who can be against you when God is for you? it doesn't matter what these people think that i'm indirectly "butting" heads with. GOD loves me. GOD won't betray me. my fear of abandonment keeps diminishing because i'm realizing more and more everyday just how much we are here because and for Him. all this extra stuff is just perks :)
so yeah, i'm still angry. i'm still hurt and probably will be for a while. i've never felt betrayed more than i do now. never more ganged up on. defenseless. i just have to keep my head up and not think about the hurt. it's just going to manifest more bitterness. i have to learn to pray for my enemies. really pray for them. because, honestly, they need it. they are at a place in their life where they really, truly, believe they are doing the right thing. but i know it isn't when it directly conflicts with Jesus' teachings. how could doing things against the Bible be the right thing? i know we all sin. i sin. and i'm not saying i do everything the bible says to do. not do what it says to not do. but i know the difference between right and wrong. and i sorta feel sorry for people who say they are doing God's work but it's the exact opposite of what it says is right. for instance, people are arguing that homosexuality is stated as okay in the Bible, when it clearly says it's against God. they are teaching people that are gay that it's okay. not a sin. even that JESUS himself was gay.
i kinda, sorta went a different way with this post than i meant to. pretty much, love one another. especially, if you know someone needs help, reach out to them. we are all brothers and sister in Christ.
i've been writing on paper rather than on here. i was "tumbling" for a while but that never took off. i kind of like using paper sometimes instead of the internet for my thoughts. like the old days :)
it seems like everything that could go wrong the last couple of weeks did. i'm not going to dwell on those things now by stating them. but i would like to share that i was feeling crappy, alone, betrayed and frankly scared of what could happen next then i read a blog i had written almost a year a go. it was talking about how all these things happened and they sucked but God will provide. there's always someone out there who has it worse off. and if those things don't make me perk up and have hope, i resort to the following:
my son. just his presence overwhelms me with happiness. the one beautiful, amazing person in this world that loves me unconditionally and is so innocent. it's such a wonderful thing being a mom, a privilege.
scripture. i love reading about how God always fills His promises. He will never leave us. He will never forsake us. He is making a beautiful place with Him to spend eternity. reading about all the times He was faithful, that means those things are true and how can we be down when we think about our maker loving us and caring for us the way He does? & who can be against you when God is for you? it doesn't matter what these people think that i'm indirectly "butting" heads with. GOD loves me. GOD won't betray me. my fear of abandonment keeps diminishing because i'm realizing more and more everyday just how much we are here because and for Him. all this extra stuff is just perks :)
so yeah, i'm still angry. i'm still hurt and probably will be for a while. i've never felt betrayed more than i do now. never more ganged up on. defenseless. i just have to keep my head up and not think about the hurt. it's just going to manifest more bitterness. i have to learn to pray for my enemies. really pray for them. because, honestly, they need it. they are at a place in their life where they really, truly, believe they are doing the right thing. but i know it isn't when it directly conflicts with Jesus' teachings. how could doing things against the Bible be the right thing? i know we all sin. i sin. and i'm not saying i do everything the bible says to do. not do what it says to not do. but i know the difference between right and wrong. and i sorta feel sorry for people who say they are doing God's work but it's the exact opposite of what it says is right. for instance, people are arguing that homosexuality is stated as okay in the Bible, when it clearly says it's against God. they are teaching people that are gay that it's okay. not a sin. even that JESUS himself was gay.
i kinda, sorta went a different way with this post than i meant to. pretty much, love one another. especially, if you know someone needs help, reach out to them. we are all brothers and sister in Christ.
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