my angry rambling.

all they have wanted me to do is try.
be better. make an effort. show some progress.
i tried for a long time.
thinking i was doing it the right way.
i would always sink back into darkness.
go my own way.
give up hope.
now i've done my best.
a work in progress.
started to be me again.
they abandoned me.
left me alone with no explanation.
they give advice when they know so little.
about me.
about him.
for one week no questions.
so much progress unnoticed.
i thought we were to forgive and forget.
love everyone.
instead i've seen hate more than ever.
bitterness in place of compassion.
turning heads.
making jokes when about someone hurting.
never reaching out.
so finally my progress, my effort, my changes are noticed.
i get a "thanks".
if you only knew what has happened.
what if've overcame.
conquered.
you wouldn't think of me that way.
i've been defenseless the whole time.
never had the chance to speak.
i was called names i'll never be able to forget.
for some reason that's justified.
never an apology.
where was that learned.
i've learned more about people than i cared to.
lost a lot of friends.
people i looked up to.
but now i know that's poison.
never ceasing to harm me or my family.
everyone else sees it.
i tell two sides now.
even though i used to hide my flaws.
i know now that's unhealthy.
a lie.
poison.
i'd rather be alone.
than live another day like that.
it's out of my life.
you can't talk to me.
you can't hear my side.
you give blinded opinions.
and yet you still think you're right.
all i wanted was my family.
what i committed my life to.
it was stolen from me.
if you would only change.
show some progress.
let go.
lies.